burendasan4: (Default)
In 2016, I got together with people to watch the election results, where I witnessed everyone collectively lose their shit and fall into despair.

Yesterday, we went to another friend's house to watch the election results. We tried to keep it upbeat but as the results started coming in...I started feeling uncomfortable and felt the urge to go home and be alone to follow the rest of the results. I think the others felt the same way because as soon as I said, "I'm going to get going...", almost everyone else decided to follow suit. This usually never happens among this group of friends. I think this time, we wanted to lose our collective shit in the privacy of our own homes.

As I drove home, I felt a deep sense of disappointment in this country seeing who and what they were choosing, in spite of all the horrible things that had been said and done. Yet, I knew I was numbing myself to the deep despair I knew was coming.

Then when I got home, I accidentally locked my car keys inside my car, where I had my laptop, phone, iPad, and even a radio (don't ask--). I was VERY lucky to have my house keys in hand. Otherwise I would have had to wake up my already-sleeping husband so he could let me in. And in another stroke of luck, I was able to find a spare car key and unlock the car. Unfortunately, this was the only time I would feel joy and a huge sense of relief. Part of me wishes/wants it to be a good omen...

As I was going to bed, I checked the latest results and things didn't look good. And still, I held on to a small sliver of hope. This morning however, I checked the New York Times and there was no doubt as to who had won.

This morning, my husband was trying to "look on the bright side" and put a positive spin on the T****/Republican win but it just made me feel worse. I need to grieve...seriously grieve. Maybe taking the day off wasn't a good idea because I'll just be dwelling on all of this but at the same time I don't know how I would have been able to concentrate on work...

We're getting together with a friend who is visiting from out of town later today. That will, if not distract me, make me feel less alone.
burendasan4: (Default)
So on Friday I got in touch with the person who organizes the class. She told me that no one had signed up for the ceramics class so it was being cancelled as well. She offered me a spot in a tapestry class being held on Saturday but 1) I had no interest and 2) I already had plans, so she basically said to let her know if there was a class I wanted to take in the future. I felt a bit uneasy about this informal arrangement but I figured that there was a text trail to remind her of it if necessary.

Well, later in the afternoon I get a text from her letting me know that two people had signed up for the ceramics class at the last minute so it was still on. I was exhausted at the end of the work day, but I went to the class anyway. Turned out that only one other person besides me showed up, but this person was very friendly so I had a good time talking to them. In previous classes with this instructor, I got to make mugs, and I got to make plates. But for this class, we got to make planters. This was my 3rd class with the instructor and I hoped she didn't think it weird, but before long I felt at ease with the three of us chatting. It was past 10 pm by the time I got home and I was super tired, but in a good way, because I felt accomplished and because the next day was Saturday so I could sleep in.

On Saturday, R and I went to our friend's house for an early Fall Equinox celebration in which our friend burns a bunch of dried sage in his fire pit. His parties can get pretty big and noisy but this was a chill affair.

Yesterday (Sunday), I went to the Polish Hill Arts Fest for the first time in a few years. I wouldn't have known about it if another friend at the hadn't mentioned it. The arts fest was smaller than I have remembered it to be in years past, but what I like about it is that the vendors aren't usually the ones you find at every other market/fair in the the city. There's a bit of a "punk" vibe to it and in years past, there would be groups of "gutter punks" who would hang out at the event. I've always liked the Polish Hill neighborhood (just as the name suggests, it was a neighborhood inhabited mostly by Polish immigrants) and always feel relaxed when I'm there.

Afterwards, I drove to Oakland, where R and his friend Sam were busking on a street corner, where Sam's friend, who owns a local bookstore, had a table set up with books for sale. As always, it was nice to hang out and listen to their music. But the highlight was getting boba tea at a nearby boba tea place. I got a black tea/oatmilk/brown sugar concoction. I think part of the reason I liked it so much was because I was just really thirsty. But another part of me is saying, "I *must* go back..."

An evening

Sep. 12th, 2024 08:20 pm
burendasan4: (dreams)
So today I was supposed to take a woodworking class and make a small shelf. It was supposed to start at 7 so I was in a rush to get a bunch of stuff done (overnight oats, shower, dinner) before heading out. I drove all the way to the location, which is basically a warehouse where these classes and events are held. There was only one other class taking place, which was a sewing class. So I got in touch with the organizer and she said it had been cancelled. She had sent an email to let me know but it had gone to spam. So I drove home and now I have the rest of the evening to do stuff but I'm tired because I worked myself up to frenzy getting ready for the class so I'm just sitting around.

I emailed the organizer and asked if my class fee can go towards a ceramics class that's being held tomorrow. I had wanted to take both the woodworking class and the ceramics class but 1) it would have been a lot of money and 2) classes two days in a row would have been exhausting. I should have just signed up for the ceramics class in the first place...

Thoughts

Sep. 11th, 2024 10:07 pm
burendasan4: (anotherday)
1) If you want to read my "Where were you on 9/11?" story, which I wrote on the 5th anniversary of 9/11, you can read it here.

2) At this point, I'm accumulating pouches the way I was accumulating notebooks several years ago.

3) I remember learning about people who would play podcasts at 2X or 2.5X speed in order to "binge" podcast content. I thought it despicable and sad that people would do that, but then I found myself doing that very thing to get through 1-2 hour Ted Lasso recap podcast episodes.

4) I went and signed up for a woodworking class tomorrow. I'll be building a triangle-shaped shelf. It's a bit awkward because my husband has a whole woodworking workshop in the garage. I love him but...I need someone else to teach me the basics and no, I am not planning on making woodworking my hobby...I just want to build a cool-looking shelf. Anyway, when I told him, he seemed to understand and told me I should let him know how we construct the shelf in class so he can try making one himself.
burendasan4: (cute)
Are any of you coming in from Cohost? I heard on social media that it is going to be shut down and saw many posts expressing regret that there aren't many long-form/blogging platforms out there, which made me think of Dreamwidth and how I hadn't signed on in a long time so I decided to sign on and see what was going on. I checked out "Latest Things" and saw what looked to be a lot of "first entries." So I began to wonder if Dreamwidth has seen an influx of new users coming in from Cohost. I certainly hope so!

I had a paid Tumblr account last year and decided not to continue with it. I'm thinking that I should put that money towards a paid account here on Dreamwidth. It's about the same amount of money and I think it deserves the support (especially since it's storing what used to be my LJ entries dating back to 2005!).

Also: Chinese food for dinner....yes!

Random

Sep. 10th, 2024 05:23 pm
burendasan4: (buggerall)
So today I had two good ideas for topics to write about. One would (maybe) be short and sweet and the other one more involved. Unfortunately, I forgot the topic of the short and sweet one. I could start writing about the more involved one but it's time for dinner soon.
burendasan4: (scotsman)
This is boring but it'll get me started writing on here.....

I've been keeping a 5-year diary since 2020, so I will finish filling it out at the end of the year! This is my second 5-year diary in a row. But I have decided to not start another 5-year diary in 2025. Each entry is pretty quick to write...but I'm just tired of keeping one and feeling that I HAVE to write something every day.

I think instead I will try to write on some of my blank/semi-blank journals that I have. That way I have more space than just a handful of lines to write on. Usually after writing my daily entry on my 5-year diary, I don't feel like writing any more. In other words, I can barely eke out enough time/energy to write on my 5-year diary. The exception to that was during the pandemic lockdown...I wrote on both the 5-year diary and longer entries on a journal every day for about a year....

All right, I really need to go to sleep. Maybe I'll write some more on here later?
burendasan4: (dreams)
I woke up this morning and since it's Saturday, I was leisurely eating breakfast and browsing the Internet between 8:45 and 9am. My mind flashed back to the moment almost exactly 20 years ago: in my dorm room, getting ready for class, a quick check of the news on the Internet (via my heavy desktop computer) and not seeing anything of interest to me, unaware of what was going on.

I didn't have a television in my dorm room, but I had proudly installed a "TV card" on my computer that allowed me to watch TV on my computer. This is how I followed the news on that day and in the days following the September 11th attacks.

This morning, after cleaning up and getting dressed, I looked down at my smartwatch. Could the me of 20 years ago have imagined I would be looking at a computerized watch 20 years later...or a computerized phone? Could we of 20 years ago have imagined all of what was to come?

There are many for whom this day does not stop being painful, for many, many reasons.

Already there is a generation of people who were born after or were too young to remember 9/11. I imagine that as the years go by, there will be fewer and fewer of us who remember that day.

For more detailed recollections of that day, read the post I wrote exactly 15 years ago.
burendasan4: (determined)
After buying way too much stuff in August, I have decided to do a no-buy September. I've been so good about saving money and I don't want that to slip away. Same rules apply: no buying things that I do not need or would be "nice-to-have." There are two items in my exception list:

1) a pair of running shoes. I really do need a pair of sneakers that are comfortable to walk long distances in.

2) Some music for Bandcamp Friday which is in two days.
burendasan4: (libraryscience)
I first heard of Rae Dunn when about two months ago, when my dad sent me a link to an article about Rae Dunn pottery. The Rae Dunn Craze )

It reminded me a LOT of my experience with the Field Notes brand. How Field Notes compares to Rae Dunn )

It was an obsession that could have easily become an addiction for me.

And in case anyone thinks these obsessions with brands are something that happens to only women: there were both men and women among the collectors of Field Notes, and the majority seemed to be men. So it shows that this kind of obsessive behavior is also apparent in men. Besides, anyone heard of Supreme?

So needless to say I had no interest in buying any Rae Dunn products.

So fast forward to this past Memorial Day weekend when R and I rented a house in WV with some friends. The rental house had a fully equipped kitchen and in one of the cupboards were two Rae Dunn mugs. One said "Relax" and the other "Enjoy." I totally did NOT expect to be seeing Rae Dunn products in person. Nevertheless I found it rather amusing to see them. It wasn't until our last day there that I drank some tea from one of the mugs. The mugs were large and had uneven yet smooth edges. And surprisingly...they felt really good to hold and to sip from. I decided right then and there that I would go to TJ Maxx and buy a Rae Dunn mug with words that hopefully weren't too cringeworthy.

My experience buying a Rae Dunn mug )...I'm really happy with what I got. I daresay...the mug sparks joy (at least for now).

And since my mug purchase, I can see how one can easily get sucked into the RD craze (or any brand craze for that matter). My take on Rae Dunn and why people get obsessed with a brand )

I admit, I think my Rae Dunn mug is pretty cute and I really like it. But I realize that all Rae Dunn mugs are basically the same mug, but with different things written on them. Buying more of them would not make me enjoy these mugs better. Besides, I don't have room in my house for extra china cabinets...let alone a lot of mugs! And if I were surrounded by a wall of Rae Dunn ceramics, they would stop being cute. I prefer a variety of dishware and kitchenware.

Anyway, that's my rambling meditation on Rae Dunn, brand obsessions, and shopping addictions. And well...That's All, Yolks!

....I'll see myself out ;-)

No-buy June

Jun. 6th, 2021 10:15 pm
burendasan4: (determined)
For the sake of accountability, I am writing a post to state that I am doing a No-buy June. In May, I ended up buying some of the things from the "want" list I kept during no-buy April. To be honest, I don't remember exactly what prompted me to do another no-buy month, but I think it's because at the end of May I was going through this period of time when I felt an *urgent* need to buy things that in reality, I really don't need. Also, things are really starting to pile up in my house, particularly in my bedroom and there are a lot of things I need to get rid of.

To be honest, things have been getting really stressful at work, especially with the position of search committee chair that was foisted on me. And all of the sudden there are all these things that "need" to be done at work. It's been taking a toll on me mentally and may be contributing to the clutter.

Anyway, I made one exception to No-buy June and that was getting a Rae Dunn mug at TJ Maxx. It was something I decided at the very end of May that I would buy the first chance I got. I will try to write another post at a later time about Rae Dunn pottery and the mania/obsession behind it.
burendasan4: (escapelosttran)
I've loved photography as a hobby most of my life. But recently, in my slow-going efforts to declutter and minimize my things, I've started to re-examine my relationship to photography and what photography means to me.

There are two things I did this weekend that have helped me clarify things about how I approach photography. The first thing was going through my old college photos and the second thing was going to an exhibit of Frida Kahlo's collection of photographs.

So one of the things I brought back with me from my mom's house was two boxes full of photo prints. I wanted to go through them and decide which ones to keep and which ones to donate to the Pittsburgh Center for Creative Reuse. Turns out that they were almost all the pictures I had taken during my college years. There were a TON of landscape pictures and pictures of flowers, etc. that I put in the donate pile. Many of those pictures were well taken but...flowers and clouds looked the same in 2000 as they do today in 2021. To be frank, those pictures were boring. But the true learning experience was what I decided to keep. What I kept were pictures of people that are still very important in my life, of course, but also of people who I never saw again after college, but I remember very fondly. I tried to keep pictures of things that were indicative of the time the picture was taken or pictures of rooms and dorms where I stayed in that bring up a lot of memories. I kept a lot of pictures from my time in Kobe in 2000. A lot of the people in the pictures I never saw again after college but I have such fond memories of the experiences I shared with them in Japan.

Then today, I went to an exhibit at The Frick of pictures of Frida Kahlo and the people in her life, taken from her photograph collection that was discovered in her home (which is now a museum dedicated to her art) a few years ago. The photographs chronicled all the various aspects of her life, especially her relationship with Diego Rivera. The text accompanying the photos discuss the themes behind what she chose to keep/collect. According to the text, she kept photographs as a way to feel connected to the people she loved in times of isolation due to her health. She kept photographs that alluded to the good times in her life as well as the painful times in her life. The exhibit really spoke to me, especially on the value of photography as a tool to chronicle one's life (and times) and the power of photography to evoke memories. Photography for the sake of documenting as opposed to photography for the sake of art (Frida's art, for one, lay outside photography).

I guess what I want to say is that I hope these two experiences this weekend can guide the way I approach my photography in the future. But it is easier said than done. It is so tempting to take a picture of every beautiful thing you see (especially now that it's spring!), but sometimes those things are best experienced "in the moment." Unlike photographs of people, you may be able to capture the image, but you can't capture the unique moment in which you took in the sight or the feelings it evoked in you.
burendasan4: (determined)
This past week has been stressful (not all bad, just stressful) and now that things are winding down, I'm exhausted. The big thing was that my sisters and I went to Maryland to visit my mom for the first time in over a year. It was the first time traveling out of state since late February 2020. I won't get into the details of the visit, but I wanted to write about the main reason we were there, which was to help my mom clean out stuff belonging to us in preparation for her to eventually move to a smaller place.

We accumulate so much stuff that we later have to get rid of )

But it doesn't mean we should never buying anything )

Anyway, my hope is that I can remember the lessons learned last weekend while going through my stuff in Maryland. I hope to be more mindful of the things I bring into my house (and my life) and that I know when to let go of things instead of letting them take up valuable space and gather dust.
burendasan4: (buggerall)
So...I'm waiting for an MS Office update to install and trying to avoid websites that sell things so here I am.

My No-Buy April has been going well. I've been able to avoid buying unnecessary things but boy have I've been tempted a LOT. It has made me deal with those super-uncomfortable feelings and thoughts I get around not buying something that seems urgent at the moment. And sometimes those feelings are STRONG.

For example, last Saturday R and I went to an outdoor brunch get-together. It had been a while since I had been able to socialize with a group of people and...it felt great! I got talking to this one person who I hadn't seen in over a year and was really enjoying the conversation. I was really having a great time. Then I noticed that she was wearing this hoodie with a cute palm print on it. I asked her where she got it and she told me. After I got home, I went to the website and I just had this URGE to buy it. Had it not been for No-Buy April, I would have bought it right away. But no, I had to deal with that painful feeling of not getting it. My thought was: "This will be the *perfect* hoodie...just what you've been looking for! It's such a fun print! It'll liven up your plain wardrobe." So it got me thinking what it was that made me want that hoodie. And I think it's that I associated that hoodie with the good time I was having socializing and being out in the warm weather. The person who was wearing it has a fun personality and I guess I felt that wearing the hoodie would make me like her.

There are a bunch of other things that I've come across that I've gotten the urge to buy...

Anyway, the update is complete...that's all for now!
burendasan4: (eowyn)
Inspired by a post on Reddit, I want to do a "No-buy" April. That is, no spending money on anything that's unnecessary. I've read Cate Flander's book "The Year of Less" in which she goes through an entire year of not spending money on things that were not necessary.

I'm concerned over the amount of stuff I've been buying recently that I don't really need. I feel that I've been buying things out of boredom and out of fear. The "thrill of the hunt" and/or obsession over deciding if I should get something seems to bring excitement into my life. I'll often buy something because I fear that I won't be able to find the same thing again, or that there might come a time when I won't be able to afford it.

Anyway, I need to take a break. I think a month is a good amount of time. However, just as Cate Flanders did, I am making an "approved list" of things I *am* planning on buying.

1) Music bought during Bandcamp Friday, which is tomorrow (I think). There were a few albums I planned on buying. Hopefully there aren't any more that come up.
2) Photo developing
3) And of course, a birthday gift for my sister, who's birthday is in a little over a week

I should perhaps keep a list of things I get the urge to buy that are not on the approved list. Then at the end of the month, I can look back on the list and see if I still want to buy those things.

I know that pretty much nobody reads this, but writing this and posting it on to here creates some sort of accountability nonetheless!
burendasan4: (Default)
So I got a year-long subscription to Flickr Pro. I’m using it as a way to store my photos now that my employer-sponsored Box account is being phased out in favor of Microsoft Drive. I had been using Box to store my app-based photos, my digital toy camera photos, and my film scans.

As much as people were pissed off that Flickr Pro prices increased recently (not to mention the free unlimited/1 TB? storage was pulled from under us!), it’s still a pretty good deal compared to other comparable services. There truly aren’t a lot of choices when it comes to photo storage and sharing. I considered iCloud Photos but it has limited functionality and it’s not very strong on the sharing part. I’m already using it as backup for my iPhone photos so I may use it as secondary storage for the hobby/artsy photos I’ll be posting to Flickr.

Which reminds me... I probably should get a paid Dreamwidth account, huh?
burendasan4: (libraryscience)
It looks like Reddit is down so...here I am. I’ll see if I feel like writing a post about my social media habits lately and why I’ve started to revisit DW.

Happily I was able to warm myself up yesterday by spending a few minutes in my car. But then it occurred to me that hanging out in the upstairs “office” (where the heat rises up to) would be just as warm and even more comfortable so that’s where I ended up for a bit. Up there, I managed to do some work on my project to remove my personal files from my employer-sponsored Box account (they’re migrating to Microsoft Drive).

Later in the evening, I started an offshoot of the “depart Box” project: To consolidate the different lists of photographic film I’ve gotten developed over the years into one spreadsheet. I kept a list on my external hard drive and another list in my Box account. Every time I got film developed, I would try to make sure both lists were updated but I didn’t do a perfect job. Also: the lists were text files so I figured it was time to make the list more manageable.

So far, it seems that since around 2014, I’ve gotten around 60-70 rolls of film developed. I imagine that compared to certain film photography aficionados, that’s...not a lot. But then again, I don’t develop my own film and for now, don’t plan on doing so because I see myself sinking in a bunch of money on equipment and then...not using it.
burendasan4: (scotsman)
It’s a nice day and yet again, I feel unmotivated to do anything except lay on the couch. The problem with the weather is that it’s 62 degrees outside, which is too warm to turn on the heating, so the house gets a bit chilly and I struggle to stay warm. It’s during days like these that the interiors of cars become nice and cozy due to soaking up heat from the sun. I’m looking out the window at my car and it’s looking *really* tempting.
burendasan4: (dreams)
A photography vlogger on YouTube once said that if you look back on photos you’ve taken in the past and don’t feel embarrassed at how bad they are, you’re not improving as a photographer. I’m actually quite the opposite. Whenever I first see the pictures I’ve taken, particularly film photos, I’m often disappointed with how most of them turn out...not quite how I had pictured them in my mind (not to mention that some are outright duds). I will often “put them away” out of sight and mind, but then, usually a few years later, I come across the pictures again and realize that they were pretty good pictures and far from feeling embarrassed, I feel quite proud of myself. If that makes me a bad photographer, so be it. Besides, I think my definition of success as a photographer is probably quite different from the definition of some hot-shot photographer with a YouTube channel. Feeling alienated from film photography in general by these “hot-shot” photographers is perhaps the subject of another post...

This week, for the first time in a while, I went to take a look at the film photo scans that I posted on Tumblr and again felt proud of the pictures I took. The atmosphere created by my pictures felt...like a refuge, a trip back to what now seems like a simpler time. And then my heart sank a little as I remembered that a few weeks ago, I had gotten rid of most of these cameras. I felt a pang of regret and I even tried contacting the donation place to see if they could find a Diana Baby 110 camera for purchase, not letting on that I had just donated it. The response I got back was that they didn’t have one, which means that my donation hasn’t even been processed. I don’t hold it against them because they are a small staff and they get a lot of donations, which, due to COVID precautions, take longer to process, so I didn’t press the issue. Besides, I was starting to have second thoughts about buying the camera back.

Why I Donated My Cameras )

Thinking about new cameras that are easier to use )

But in the end, it will have been a waste of time and money if I don’t actually go out and *take pictures.* It could very well be that this is just another classic case of spending more time buying gear related to a hobby or interest than actually *doing the hobby.* I may write a separate entry on what I what I want to photograph and what keeps me from doing so.

One thing I have NO regrets about is divesting myself of everything Polaroid after a brief flirtation with it that involved purchasing 5 Polaroid cameras in less than a month but suddenly growing bored with them after the summer. I managed to sell 3 of the nicest ones and donated the other two. I didn’t even bother using up the film still inside the cameras when I got rid of them. The actual thought of having managed to get rid of them brings me joy. I’m sticking to Instax from now on. Again, the film is cheaper and more reliable and the cameras are less bulky and more ergonomic.

Hi

Mar. 23rd, 2021 06:46 pm
burendasan4: (sepia)
It’s been a minute, huh?

I recently gave away all of my 110 cameras except one. Now I’m being tempted buy another Diana Baby 110 camera. I need to remember how expensive it is to get the film cartridges developed.

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burendasan4: (Default)
Brenda

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